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Another classic ‘me moment’ on the plane home from Mexico this week….

In an attempt to read my magazine, I manically tried to twist my reading light on, announcing it’s not working. The beautiful woman next to me gives me a look like, “are you a dim wit?” and hits the button above the light for me. My light goes on, I laugh awkwardly. I get ‘that look’ from her… a look I’ve gotten most my life for dumb things like that. It’s a quality I used to loathe about myself.

Why can’t I be smooth with things? Or why do I always lose stuff? Or why do I always spill things? I’m a mess! If you were to have a meal with me you’d be completely confused as to how a pile of crumbs, some soy sauce, and a weird noodle have surrounded my plate. But in 45 minutes it has happened. I’m a liability. A lovable one, but a liability.

Very early on in life, I decided this was a quality I must try and disguise. Which P.S. isn’t easy, but hide I would try. Which brings me to the wonderful world of dating.

I will not be this clumsy, sometimes ditzy, forgetful, messy girl. I will be “a cool chick.”

What is a “cool chick?”

You like sports.
You can hang with the guys.
You don’t complain.
You’re down for whatever.
You cook.
You’re organized
Blah blah..

The list goes on…So, I became this facade. I attracted lots of people with this wonderful person. The only problem: It wasn’t me. You can only keep up appearances for so long before people realize who you really are. When these people would start to reject those little quirks about me, I began to feel really bad about them so my cool mask got thicker.. Until my first date with Rich…

Rich, handsome British actor. Very cool. My goal, be charming “cool chick” Rachel.

The date begins with me opening the car door into my head. Like really hard, people!

Rich, in his adorable British accent: “Did you just open the door into your head??”
(yes – you are right in thinking he should have opened the door for me, but that’s a topic for another day…)

I laughed it off. As we drove to dinner, I felt my head swell. I casually open the car mirror, realizing the bump on my head is severely swelling to the size of an egg.

I think maybe a side bang will help. Nope.

Me: ”We’ve got  problem.”

Rich pulls over and looks at my head, “We need to get you some ice!”

Rich runs into 7-11 and returns with Ice, and a Pokemon toy. He’s laughing. I’m being self-deprecating.

Cut to trendy LA dinner with my egg forehead growth, that damn Pokemon toy getting stuck in my hair (don’t ask), to ending the date losing my wallet.

I was mortified.

Now this is classic ‘me.’ For that to be his first impression… I truly wanted to die.

But it turns out, Rich thought: She’s charming, funny, genuine, relatable, and fun company. He thought all my little mishaps eased the pressure of the first date. Not only that, he was head over heels for silly, ditzy, klutz ball, me.

Rich and I are getting married June 8. He calls my quirks “being a muffin.” My friends have adopted it. It makes me laugh.

That’s not all that I am either. I’m a smart, intuitive, kind and loyal human. I’m also all those other things. To love me, is to love all that stuff too.

So show up as who you are from the beginning. If you show up as the ‘too cool’ version of yourself, you might completely turn away the person that will love

‘perfect you.’

Masks are for Woosies…yep I just used the word Woosie….so strip it off and see what happens.

I hold a very fun dating workshop monthly for women (wine and cheese included) July and Aug in LA. Sept in Denver. Email me for more info. rachelcoaching@outlook.com

After a whole month home with my Mom after her mastectomy, I had a lot of time to think. Think about what the point of all this is. What I’ve learned through cancer is that there actually is no point. No ‘End Point’ I mean.

Let me explain… that idea that we all have…that.. “Once I get there I’ll be happy point,” doesn’t actually exist. Haven’t we all said that? Said; I just need to get there and then I’ll relax, then I’ll be happy, then I’ll make time for the people I love, then I’ll finally feel good. We’re all looking to get to that end point when we can finally feel okay. A lot of that, I think, usually relates to money and career. My question to you is; what do you think will really happen when you get there? Whatever that ‘THERE’ is for you. The sky will open? God will come down and say, congratulations you finally have a million dollar mansion, 5 cars, a pool, awards on your wall… feels great huh? You’ll feel relaxed and at peace now? Give me a break.

There is no real end to this life, until we are lying on our death bed. Then you will sit with yourself and decide did I live my life or did I live a life always hoping for my life to begin?

May 2014 when my Mom called me to tell me she had stage 3 breast cancer – it was like coming out of a fog moment for me. It’s those moments that force you in the present. They force you out of the future and into your present day life. It’s amazing to me how little time I spent in my present day life. How so much of my life was spent wishing I was where I had always dreamed I’d be at this point. Now I’m wishing It was a day ago when everyone I loved was just healthy.

Now we’re in February, my incredible Mom has lost all her hair, her breasts, her body is weak and she is fighting. We are all fighting. My life is now about her. It’s about the people I love. Isn’t that what being present is? Being present with the people we choose to share our lives with.

I’m not saying shed your ambitions or your dreams, I’m saying wake up and look around. When you have coffee with your best friend put your phone away and be present with her.

When your Dad calls to ask about your week, don’t hurry him off the phone because you have other things to do.

If you love your girlfriend and you know she’s the one, then why not just pop the question and you’ll figure it out as you go?

Your life is now. It’s happening! Each second. Each minute. Live in it. Live your life. Don’t live in tomorrow. That is the ‘point.’

This post is for my mom and for all women currently battling breast cancer.

I had a thought yesterday as I watched Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday.” Yes, don’t judge me, or stop reading, it’s kind of fabulous. So ‘Rainn Wilson’ from The Office was talking about how “art is a prayer…” how when we produce art, we are connected to “god,” “the universe,” “higherpower,” whatever resonates for you. That Is true for me, the connection I mean, when I look back on times when I was constantly acting, it was euphoric. I felt connected to the universe in all ways. I was truly at my happiest. That’s why I’ve been chasing it my whole life. In the last year, I’ve realized Its not about chasing that feeling, but that it lives inside me. I just have to connect with it again, daily. Oprah asked him if you could go back to being 5 what would be the difference..I asked myself the same question.

When I would wake up as 5 year old Rachel, my imagination was running free. Free to dream all day, sing Disney songs, make plays out of stories with my sister, (“Corduroy and the missing button” was our fav). I was an artist. I lived creativity. It was what made my heart beat.

I can remember as a teenager when I would get sad about life. I would play songs in my room, singing at the top of my lungs and that’s how I gained perspective. Me, sitting with my musical theater song book belting away. An hour of that and I felt better.

Whats different now, after a hard day? I want Happy Hour. Which is fine, but it made me think, as we get older why do we not fill our lives with the prayer that we connected with at such a young age? Why don’t we make time for our art on a daily basis, if that’s our place of peace? If that’s what makes life worth living, why do we put so many things before it?

Well, life gets a hell of a lot more complicated, right? We, as artists realize we need to make money. I can’t speak for other types of artists, but I’m sure it’s similar. But for an actor it starts to become about daily submissions, networking, finding the right representation, auditions, rejection…..and after some time if we’re not doing the things we love, we become lost, depressed. We keep grinding, chasing for that YES, waiting for someone else to give us permission to do the thing we love most.

Was that 5 year old waiting for someone to tell her she was good enough to play pretend? Good enough to create? No way, because it wasn’t about them, it was about her.

As we start the week, I challenge all my artists friends to make time to do something that connects you with your true purpose. Whatever that means for you. If we stop worrying so much about someone else’s approval, we might just start creating and doing. If you believe, as I do, you attract what you put out. My guess is more work will start to appear. You have to feed that light inside you regularly for it to shine, so start feeding it; create, write, paint, sing, it might surprise you how bright it can shine.

Lots of love,

Rachel

Feedback? Topic you’d like me to write on? Interest in having me as your coach? Email me. rachelrisen@gmail.com

I had two conversations with friends of mine tonight. Both struggling, is all this sacrifice worth it? What if I never get there?

What is there?

We hold on to our pasts, because we are terrified of the present. We panic in the present, as we think it will help in controlling our future.   At the end of the day it’s still your past….and crap…no matter how hard you try…you have no control over the future.

It’s terrifying I know….

All we can do is relax in the now. Be grateful. Strive to be the best people we can be. Take risks. Make change. All in all have faith in ourselves.

Easier said then done I know…

Today marks the day one year ago I got on a plane and left everyone I loved in New York to start a life in a LA…. Alone….. With nothing waiting for me there. Honestly I look back and I think what hell was I thinking???

But here I sit with my self in my own West Hollywood apartment, fully furnished, (finally bought a dining room table) pretty excited about that, and couldn’t feel stronger.

Have I figured it out? Absolutely not.  But what I do know about myself is I’m not afraid of taking huge risks in my life, and diving into the unknown.

That I know how live alone. Be alone.

That my life is not at all where I thought it would be at this point. Buts that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be.

Trust me you’ll get there…wherever “there” is. We’re all on our way.

And 5 years from now if someone asks you was it worth it?  My guess is you’ll say was what worth it?

Because life takes us exactly where we are supposed to be….have faith.

As I packed my things in New York to move to LA four months ago, my mom flew out from Denver to help my unorganized self, get organized for the big move. The only thing I couldn’t seem to really part with were all my acting notes, class work sheets, and scripts from college. As I kept looking through them… trying to downsize five binders to three. I couldn’t help but ask myself why am I having such a hard time parting from all this paper?

It’s been a few years since I graduated with a BFA in acting. Something even though many of us scoff at our theater major degrees now, I am still very proud of. It was the one time in my life I ate, slept, and breathed acting. My eagerness to be out working pulsated through every inch of my body. I forget that, I know a lot of us do. That we started doing this because we love it. As I unpacked in my new LA home, I again found myself re reading my hopeful actor notes. Here are some of them:

-Never feel sorry for yourself

-Actors are athletes of the heart

-First I honor life and with it my life in the theater.

-Don’t give them all the control… remember they want it to be you.

-All of us have experienced every feeling there is to feel. Everyone has every character in them…the goal is to find them

-Remember to Listen, Obstacles, BE SPECIFIC

-It’s Discovery over Decision

-Never count Residuals, count days you work

-Play the solution, don’t play the problem.

-Be Fearless

-Live every day hungry to learn more

When I decided to be an actor I had a very distinct idea where I thought I would be at this point in my career. I had created this timeline, and as fall approaches, a new school year begins, it always seems to be a time of reflection for me, and I’m usually left with a feeling of disappointment. I start the spiral of comparing, and self loathing. The feeling of, I thought for sure I would be much further along at this point. Not recognizing, or celebrating my journey, the detours, the exciting, and hilarious things I’ve done this past year.

So for a change I’m going to allow myself to say it, to be happy for my small achievements. I shot another great season of Temp life. I got to be apart of the amazing Leap Year cast. I learned a lot about movies shooting movie line trivia. Hell I even interviewed Kim Kardashian at fashion week! But most importantly this year I up and moved my whole life to LA, leaving behind everything that felt comfortable to start a whole new journey. For the first time I am going to allow myself to believe that this might actually be exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I dare you to do the same

With Love,

Rachel